SAADA queer brown feelings - entry


Gaze into my stormy eyes

And stay awhile

Build a shelter with my inner child

If you're scared and lost at sea

Sing a long with me

Let me hear that harmony

That's the chorus of my song Wanderer. You can listen to it anywhere you listen to music.

This song is for my fellow queer and trans lovers out there.

I think like many queer South Asians and trans South Asians - I a gender fluid, queer South Asian person carry hurt from childhood. I experienced violence and betrayal from those I thought I could trust. And I tried to live up to expectations of a narrow vision on how to live a life, one that, it turns out, does not align with my values. I was tasked with carrying caretakers' and ancestors' emotional baggage and caring for family members who did not want to or could not care for themselves. I managed my environment and the gazes of judgmental, repressive, and cruel South Asian and white peers and adults, while attempting to root myself and find belonging in an unforgiving terrain of social and systemic hierarchies.

But now, I try to make my own way. I have found myself.

For now, I am no longer lost. For now, I am no longer wandering.